When It’s Time to Throw In the Towel on Marriage

Right from the start, I acknowledge that a large percentage of readers will not agree with the premise that sometimes it is better to call it quits in a marriage than continue in the relationship. Okay. We’re going to have to agree to disagree.

That said, I received the following article in an e-mail. A special gal pal sent it. A big thanks goes out to her for knowing the plain language in the article will help someone else who is struggling with what to do with a broken marriage.

Tell-Tale Signs That it’s Time to Divorce

Posted to by Cathy Meyer on Sun, 11/01/2009 – 9:24am

(The full article has been abridged here.)

In my last article, I wrote about things to consider before making the decision to divorce. This article deals with accepting and recognizing when it is time to “throw in the towel.” Below are a few signs that you are dealing with a marriage that has gone past the point of saving…in my opinion.

Are you to the point that your spouse just can’t do anything right, does everything they do get under your skin?

Shortly before my Aunt and Uncle divorced, I heard her say, “If he died tomorrow I’d have to peel an onion before I could shed a tear.” If you feel yourself moving in that direction, do yourself and him a favor and move on.

Are you tired of the trying, so tired you can’t muster of the energy to even engage anymore?

Trying to solve marital problems can turn into a cycle of the wife trying to get her needs met and the husband stonewalling or dismissing her. A woman will normally try to re-engage her husband. Women are natural problem solvers who don’t give up easily. She will eventually tire of trying to engage her husband in finding solutions to the marital problems. She will withdraw, stop expressing her needs; and once this happens, the marriage is headed for separation or divorce.

Does the idea of sex with your spouse cause you to shudder?

If so, it is time to leave.

Has the love you felt been replaced by resentment?

Feelings of resentment come from being hurt by your husband. The kiss of death to a marriage comes when we harbor those hurt feelings and do nothing about them. When you don’t voice your feelings in a proper manner or stand up for yourself, hurt turns to resentment. From resentment grows bitterness and hostility, feelings hard to work through and more than likely mean the end of a marriage.

The above list is a small sample of signs that your marriage is dead. Many women live for years in a marriage where some or all of the above signs are present. They stay for any number of reasons…guilt, religious beliefs, the children, fear of change. In my opinion, when it is over, it is over. It is time to stop peeling onions and throw in the towel.

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